One might ask the question, “Where is God when one’s lights get knocked out by life?” That is a great question and one that I am grappling with because I have been dealt a blow out of nowhere by life and I am left reeling and struggling to keep a hold on the Word that I have been given and the lessons that I have learned along my journey.
You see, I was put in the hospital against my will and then my sister and broinlaw had me committed for six days while I was fighting with the hospital to get out, since they said that I was on a voluntary hold. I told them that if I voluntarily signed myself into the hospital (which they said I did with an “X”), then I was going to sign myself out. The doctor told me that I could do that and delayed letting me out until my sister and broinlaw had gone to court and had me committed to the institution. So I had to stay locked up for seven days. During one of the days, they had me shackeled to the bed by leather straps that ate into my arm and I could not move for the entire night.
I am back home now. I struggle with the sovereignety of God at the moment. I could not believe that He would allow me to be locked up (AGAIN) and there was nothing that I could do about it. This is the seventh time that the Lord has allowed me to be confined to a mental institution in my lifetime. There is a part of me that is afraid that He will allow this to happen to me again and again and again, for His Own purposes and will. And while I accept His will in my life and want His will to be done, and not my own, a part of me cringes at the things that the Lord has allowed to happen to me in my lifetime.
I know that all things work together for good for them that love God and are called according to His purposes. I know that He will not allow me to suffer more than I am able to stand. I am just wondering just how much more He believes that I am able to stand. His faith in me is greater than the faith that I have in myself right now, but I do not focus on that. I place my focus on the fact that God is greater than my fears and He has proven Himself to be faithful to me more times than I can count.
So, while I quake in fear at what the Almighty has planned for me in these upcoming days, I also rejoice in Him, knowing that His plans are far greater than my misgivings and doubts about myself. He will be working on me until the day that Jesus Christ comes back and that is something to anchor my faith upon. My faith is based upon the solid rock of Jesus Christ and nothing less. I may have to go through some rough and rocky paths and patches to get to the next place that God has in store for me, but I KNOW that I will get there. With His help, with His patience, and most of all, with His great love for me.
Was it fun being locked up? No. But God was with me and I experienced His peace, love, and joy in the midst of my incarceration. Will He set me free from the scars that I obtained as a result of my imprisonment? Absolutely.
Only God knows what He is going to do with me next. All I have to do is lean back and trust Him. After all, look what He did with Joseph.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.