I’ve just had an epiphany. It was a rather startling one, at that.
Here I’ve been, having some challenges and a bit of discouragement as I’ve travelled along my journey as of late and I have just realized (or rather, the Holy Spirit gave me insight) into just why I have been having such a difficult time lately. And it all comes down to four words: Thy will be done.
As I look back, I find that I have been wanting my own will to be done in my life, rather than the Lord’s will. (For instance, I’ve been wanting instant changes to occur in my life and for my circumstances to be altered and for me to receive practically instantly the things that I am believing God for.) And I have not been very patient as I have been waiting for these changes to occur. As I became more and more dissatisfied, it did not occur to me that I had stopped asking that God’s will be done in my life rather than my own. I had become self-absorbed again and was only thinking about my own concerns and feelings and was not giving two hoots about what the Lord may be wanting to do with my life at this present time.
Don’t get me wrong. Daily, I turn over my will to God. I ask Him to take my mind and my thoughts and my body and do whatever He wants to with them all. But I’ve been neglecting to have HIS will done in my life. I’ve been too busy thinking about myself and how I am affected by my circumstances. How selfish I have been. And so short-sighted. God’s plans for me far exceed my own (11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. Jer. 29:11-13) and here I am wanting to run the show. Or rather, wanting Him to run the show MY way. I’ve been seeking the Lord and wanting more and more of Him and He told me that I would seek Him and find Him when I searched for Him with all of my heart. Only I haven’t been searching HIM, so much as searching for Him to do these things that I have been wanting Him to do for me and getting more and more frustrated and irritated at His lack of “coming to my aid.”
But God in His faithfulness and gentleness pointed out to me the error in my thinking. And I repented. For His ways are not our ways. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Is.55:8,9) He knows so much more than we will ever know and is aware of all that we are going through and the things that we face and will face as we all go through our pilgramages of life. So, who am I to dictate to the One Who made me and knows me far better than I will ever know myself? He knows what will fulfill me and He also knows what could potentially harm or even destroy me if He gave me what I think I want at this present time.
It’s time for me to hand the reins back over to the Shepherd and stop trying to lead Him around or try to influence Him to give me what I want.
I truly want God’s will. So it is time for me to stop mentally whining and start ACTING like I want His will to be done by waiting patiently for Him to do His work and for HIM to give me the things that HE wants me to have. For, He wants me to have the best. And the best usually involves patience and timing. Time for me to pull out my patience tools and start using them, rather than allowing the enemy to plant suggestions in my mind that God is not really here for me and I’ll be in this spot forever. For that is not the case. In God’s perfect timing and will, I WILL have those things that I have been desiring and I WILL reach the destination that He has chosen for me and it will be far grander than the plans that I have chosen for myself.
I am grateful to God for His wisdom, love, and infinite patience with me. It’s no wonder that I have been hitting so many bumps in the road. I’ve been running into and over myself and now I am going to get out of my own way and allow the Lord to have His. What a relief. I was starting to get very tired of myself. Thank God for mercy, for His mercy endureth forever. “O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.” (Psalm 136:1)
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.