I suffered from the monster of depression for much of my life. From a child, I had been plagued by depression. Even when it was sunny out, the darkness in my heart was so black that the sky actually appeared dark to me.
I cannot tell you how frustrated I felt whenever I was told to just “cheer up,” “think good thoughts and you won’t be depressed,” “get out and do something positive,” “pick yourself up by your bootstraps and move on,” and words to those affect. For when you suffer with depression, it is not a matter of will power or positive thinking. The hole (some refer to it as the rabbit hole) is dark and deep and the despair is of such a magnitude that you dread going to sleep (if you CAN sleep, that is) because you have to face yet another day of hell. For, truly, depression is hell, as millions of people can attest. If you are suffering from depression, know that I know where the darkness wherewith you reside and I am beside you to sit with you in your darkness and will bring a light so that we can roast marshmallows and I will hold your hand in your darkness until the light of Truth shines upon your heart and you are set free from the dragon of utter despair and hopelessness.
I was delivered from depression from the Lord almost four years ago. It happened on this wise:
One day I had a dream. In the dream, I saw the tomb where Jesus’ body had been laid and the stone that had been rolled upon the tomb. Next to the tomb was the big, black pit of depression that I had fallen into many times for most of my life. Out of heaven, a hand took the stone that was on the tomb and rolled it onto the top of the pit. It fit perfectly. I heard the Lord speak to me. He said, “You’ll never fall into that pit again. And, almost four years later, I never have again. Not once.
Over the years, I had taken just about every anti-depressant that was manufactured. They had never worked for me for more than short periods at a time. I kept right on falling into the pit. But since the Lord rolled the stone over that pit, I have never had to take one more anti-depressant pill. Not one.
Do I deal with sadness or sorrow? Of course, I do, as I am human and life’s circumstances occasionally call for one or both. But I now lean on the Word of God. Such as, “He healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3) and “Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” (Matt. 28:20b) God’s Word is not only true, but it WORKS! His rod and His staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)
Why did God allow me to suffer with depression for so many years before He delivered me? That’s an interesting question. I believe it is because I had been believing the lies from the enemy that told me that God really did not care about me and that I was going to suffer forever. But God delivered me from those fears as I continued to cry out to Him and to trust Him. (Psalm 34:4) When I no longer had the strength to believe, God Himself gave me strength. “If we believe not,yet he abideth faithful: He cannot deny Himself.” (2 Tim. 2:13)
Now, you may be saying to yourself, “Sure, all of that is well and good for you. But I have been praying and believing God for deliverance, but it has not happened. It cannot and won’t happen for me.” But that is a lie straight from the pit of hell itself. God’s Word IS true. And it does work for those that believe. And God has given to every man a measure of faith. I cannot tell you why you are continuing to suffer from depression if you are finding yourself in that pit. But I AM telling you that God CAN and will deliver you, just as He delivered me. It took me many lessons and trials and dealing with the giant of depression before the Lord, my deliverer (Psalm 18:2), finally killed that monster of depression for good.
I am here to encourage you that you do not have to live in that pit forever. There is a God Who loves you and wants you to be delivered and He will do just that as you give your life over into His care. “Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) But until you are out of that pit, know that I am there with you, holding your hand and simply sitting with you. Because sometimes, there just aren’t any words that can be said to alleviate the suffering. So, I’ll be roasting marshmallows with you in your darkness and listening to you as you share the burdens of your heart. I care for you. And God cares, too, whether you can (or choose) to believe that or not.